Parent Coordination

Parent Coordination is a service for parents who are either in the process of separation and divorced or who have already completed the divorce process. Parent Coordination is most often done by therapists with experience in helping families who are experiencing separation and divorce, child therapy, and mediation. Through the Parent Coordinator the parents can receive education about child development, parenting plan models for different aged children, and ideas about how to move through separation and divorce in ways that protect children’s emotional, social, and academic functioning. But Parent Coordination is not therapy, its goal is not to work on the issues that caused the dissolution of the marriage.  The explicit goal of Parent Coordination is to help parents, in the here and now,  to implement their Parenting Agreement, to communicate well and effectively, and to be the best co-parents they can be.  When there is a disagreement between parents in this process, the Parent Coordinator will help parents to come to a mutually agreeable solution.  If that is not possible then, in some cases, the Parent Coordinator is given the authority to be a "tie-breaker."  Parents may be referred to a Parent Coordinator by attorneys, therapists, custody evaluators, or judges. Some parents are court ordered to attend Parent Coordination sessions due to the intensity of the conflict and animosity between parents, and/or because the parents have begun to litigate parenting conflicts in court rather than being able to talk through them on their own.

What Parent Coordination is NOT:  

Parenting Coordination is not mediation or helping to negotiate a parenting plan: Some parents seek what they term "Parent Coordination" before separating in order to obtain help in creating a parenting plan for their childre that will reflect the needs of the whole family – with an emphasis on the needs of the children.  The role of the mental health professional who helps parents (sometimes with input from attorneys at various points in the process) is an important and powerful one (and one which I do often perform).  But it is not Parent Coordination.  The role of the Parent Coordinator is to implement, not to develop, a parenting Plan.

Parenting Coordination is not Custody Evaluation: Parent Coordination does NOT provide evaluation of custody issues, and Parent Coordinators cannot make legal recommendations about custody or visitation. However, the court may consult the Parent Coordinator in the process of resolving these legal issues and the court may give decision power to the Parent Coordinator for certain specified issues.

When parents enter into Parent Coordination, they are asked to follow these basic behavioral guidelines to increase the effectiveness and efficiency of sessions:

• DO speak respectfully to your co-parent.

• DO try hard to listen carefully and with an open mind.

• DO come prepared to think about ways in which YOU can be a better parent and co-parent. Try to take responsibility for your own difficulties.

• DO come prepared to work on apologizing, expressing thanks, on cooperating, and on compromising.

• DO try hard to express emotions like anger and frustration using calm, clear “I statements”.

• DON’T insult your co-parent, or raise your voice to express anger or frustration.

• DON’T interrupt when the other is speaking – either with words, or facial expressions.

• DON’T lecture your co-parent, nor verbally attack them.

• DON’T remain in a blaming, “it’s all your fault” position.

• DON’T go back in time to old grievances that occurred during the marriage.